I’m not going to beat about the bush with this blog, it has been a while and in that time I’ve met some good, interesting, silly, proud and scared people. About 95% of those being male and the rest female.
Most of the people I speak to on mental health issues are female so I want to understand and know why males won’t open up more. Some do, but a large percentage do not or have not.
The thing is, I have found that a man is very ‘proud’ when it comes any problems we may enter in our lives. It’s the nature of the beast, for example. A man breaks his foot – ahh it’s ok, strap it up and ‘man up’. A long standing ache – don’t worry, I’ll pop 10 Cocodamol per day, I won’t feel a thing….. Silly yes?
Eventually, when being a man has really caused a mess, he will ask advice from a partner, parent or whoever and the first thing they will say is ‘GO TO THE HOSPITAL!’
But my main concern is mental illness. I’ve spoken with a few men on this subject and boy does it scare the shit out of them! ‘Give me a broken leg any day!’ You can almost hear their thoughts…. ‘Ohh shit, he said mental’. You can feel the uneasiness straight away. Why won’t men speak about mental illnesses ? I must admit, it’s taken me some time and I’m hiding behind ANON but the relief that fell off my shoulders after my very first blog was one of the best feelings ever. The anxiety kicked in beforehand as I did not know how people would perceive me or didn’t think I was ready for negative comments, expected. There will always be negativity though. So now, (sorry if this offends you in any way) my answer to all of this negative feedback is ‘thank you and piss off’. A great hate of mine is people creating the stigma. I became friends with a few people on social media who had been through some tough experiences. Yes, it must be hard, but posting ‘I hate my life, I wish I could end it now’ or ‘you will never understand me, leave me alone’ or even ‘I’ve cut myself, I can’t cope anymore I’d be better off dead!’ could be worded and then aided?
I do not want to read that! Firstly, you’ve separated yourselves from society. Secondly, you do not want help but your comments are you actually crying out for it. But most of all, your messages are reaching minds that are afraid of it all, comfort zones are breached! So therefore you have created a stigma with the intensity, scared folk off with the terminology and will not get help because after these one liners of intent, you won’t fucking TALK to anybody!!! Just my little opinion.
Anyways, sorry for my rant. But people do care and will help, if given the opportunity to.
So why is it so difficult for a male to open up?? It batters the holy shit out of you, but yet you will struggle due to pride or stigmas associated with it? FFS!!
I spoke with a nurse recently on this subject and here is a topic that we spoke of where the pride of a male gets a little silly shall we say.
When I used to see my father get ready for a night out it was a twenty minute ordeal. Literally, shit shower shave whack a comb through the hair and out! He is still the same to this day.
Now fast forward thirty years!
I have witnessed this…
THIS DOES NOT APPLY TO ALL MEN!
All week before a Saturday night out with the lads. The gym will be a place of worship! Twice a day even. (Every day asking his partner, am I bigger?) Around Wednesday, a man will use the sun-bed for the first time of two sessions. The Thursday a man will go online/shops looking for the best top that will show off his impeccable shoulders and chest (a top two sizes too small). On the Friday comes the haircut, just a strand one millimetre out of place and we have a huge problem.
Saturday morning… It’s, try the new clothes on before going to get a manicure and their eyebrows styled.
Then spend the rest of the day applying moisturiser, teeth whitener, special hair products etc before finally heading off out! Probably late too!
Right, do you get my point now? With all of this ‘manly’ stuff going on in the world…
WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR A MALE TO OPEN UP AND TALK ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES?
I’d like a chat if you’d want to anyways. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done regarding my mental illness.
Hope everyone is in a good place!
Speak soon and stay safe.