I’m a thirty one year old man and since the age of seventeen I have suffered panic/anxiety attacks. During these years I have often thought about people who go through them, asking questions ‘how old on average is a person likely to have them?’ ‘How do they occur?’ ‘How long will do they last?’ Etc…
Well, I’ve known a lady for about a year and a half now and only recently we have spoken of panic attacks, I was obviously not very open as was she, it’s not a topic you’d like to just open a convo with ey??
When I set up this blog I told her and after reading the first blog I received a message saying that she had experienced the very same thing and was brought to tears by it.
Anyway, I cannot hide this as, while I was asleep in the early hours of Sunday morning, I was sent this:
Tonight, while I walked through town on my own, heading to the taxi queue. I saw a girl, her friend had her arm around her comforting her. The girl was crying, her friend was rolling her eyes, looked like she’d had enough. So I approached the girl and asked her if everything was ok. she cried more…… I stroked her arm to try and comfort her myself. Then she said something and my heart just sank, my eyes filled up, a thousand thoughts circled through my mind as I stood holding this girl. She said ‘I can’t breathe I can’t breathe!’ She was having a panic attack. She looked petrified! No one was doing anything and to this girl her world was ending. She was shaking, panting and was so scared.
I made her look me in the eyes, I knew I was the only one there that cared.
Could I help her? Could I persuade her that everything was going to be ok? I told her she was having a panic attack, she looked at me and all I could see in her eyes was a cry for help, she knew what was happening she just didn’t know what to do. I told her to take deep breaths and I took them with her. We both kept eye contact, taking deep breathes together for a while. I held onto her and she held onto me. Her friends were looking at me stupid (luckily for her friends I was there and had experienced panic attacks). At this point I didn’t give a shit! She started to cry again, I cried !!! I never cry…. I must admit it takes a lot to make me cry as much as I know it probably makes me a cold hearted person I just know how to deal with shit and crying isn’t my thing, but this girl was terrified, she was crying for help. I told her I’d been there, she wasn’t alone, I also pulled her away from her friends and said ‘I take it none of you’re friends have ever had a panic attack?’ she said no. I stayed with her until her taxi came in which she said I ‘need to ring my mum’, I told her not too, if she did, she’d end up worse and I couldn’t stand the thought of her being alone in a taxi with nothing but her own thoughts taking over her. It’s strange because a week ago I would of walked passed this girl. So glad I didn’t.
Writing this I’m crying my heart out. Not because I feel sorry for the girl or because it’s sad what she’s going through. I don’t feel pity. Because I was once this girl, 10 years ago, alone and scared. Fear is the worst part. Scared of you’re own body, it’s like being sunken into a black hole you can’t get out of because the power of panic takes over your every ability. When this girl was telling me she couldn’t breathe, I have never been so honest in all my life, I had faith in her, in someone I had never even met, I just knew she could do it! Once you have walked the walk, you can go through it step by step, relate and help.
I can’t even explain the feeling I have right now. I hope she’s ok. Because something amazing just happened! I connected with someone within a second of meeting them because I knew what to say, how she felt and how to control it. Her friends had no idea. Even if she doesn’t remember me, if I was just a hidden memory in her drunken state, she has helped me and I can’t thank her enough for it. This night will never leave me!
In all honestly I could of died happy at that point because for once in my life I was proud of myself. It helped that she let me help her, she knew I was there to help and she needed it. It’s not a bad thing to ask for help or accept it, there are some things in life you can’t do by yourself.
I didn’t get her name, I’ll probably never see her again. I can only hope she got home to her mum and she’s ok.
Just talk. It’s the best medicine.
That, within a week of blogging has already made my week!
It has taken me fourteen years to do this! So, to read a story like that, for my friend to feel this way and take control of that situation…..
Waw! A tear or two and smiles!!!
The last sentence, sums it up.
Well done and thank you for allowing me to post this 🙂
Hope this blog helps